She Says She Needs Time: How Long Should I Wait? (Careful!)
She could be your girlfriend, your wife, your ex, or a girl you just met and would like to start a relationship with…
Except that…
She wants space…
Or she needs time to work on herself (at least that’s what she says)…
What to do in this situation to move things forward?
That is to say, to start a relationship with her (if she’s not already your wife or girlfriend), or to keep her if you’re already in a relationship with her.
That’s what we’re going to see below.
Let’s dive in.
Table of Contents
- Why does she need time?
- When a woman says she needs time: beware of the trap
- How do you give her time?
- How much time does she really need?
- How not to ruin everything when you finally feel she’s ready?
- [MUST-READ] Be DOMINANT with Women: Know How to MASTER Them (In Everyday Life) to Make Them Fantasize About You
Why does she need time?
What are the real reasons why a woman may ask for space (or time)?
There are 3 cases to distinguish here:
- the case of a girl you’ve recently met,
- the case of your girlfriend or wife,
- the case of your ex.
Let’s go through each of them.
Why does a girl you recently met need some time?
You recently met this woman, you like her and you’d like to start a relationship with her.
But here’s the thing:
When you tried to take things to the next level with her, she pushed you away.
You may have asked her what’s wrong…and she told you that she wasn’t ready, that she needed some space…
Several possible explanations:
? She doesn’t want to look like an easy girl in your eyes
This is the most favorable scenario.
She’s attracted to you but doesn’t want to come across as an easy girl (or a “slut”) in your eyes.
She’s afraid that if she lets you kiss her (or sleep with her) too early in the seduction process, you’ll see her as a pushover.
As a result, she puts off your first attempts.
To increase her value in your eyes…and to ease her conscience.
She wants to be able to say that what happened between you and her was not her fault, because she resisted a little.
All you have to do in this case is stay calm, keep a solid and charming attitude, then try again a bit later.
? She’s not sure if she’s interested in you
A less favorable scenario than the previous one.
She’s not sure of her desire for you. As a result, she’s blocked.
Maybe she is (or was) more or less attracted to you, but some weakness in your attitude has turnt her off.
So she asks for time to think.
See also: Girlfriend Seems Distant
Note: you may very well initially find yourself in the previous more favorable scenario and then fall into this less favorable scenario by reacting badly to her resistances (we’ll come back to this below).
? She is testing you
She wants to test your strength, to see if you have what it takes to be her sexual and love partner.
So, she’s putting obstacles in your way to see how you’ll react.
Will you stay solid…or act fragile?
She wants to see if you’re really as confident and masculine as you seem.
? There’s another guy
There may be another man she’s interested in.
Another man she’s just as (if not more) attracted to.
So, she hesitates.
She doesn’t know what to do.
Which one of you to choose?
She needs time to figure it out.
? She’s just got out of a relationship
She may have just got out of a long relationship, with a man who broke her heart.
She hasn’t got over the breakup yet.
And she’s still a little (if not very) in love with her ex.
The trauma of the recent breakup is still fresh in her mind.
As a result, she’s afraid to commit to a new relationship with a man.
Therefore, she prefers to take her time.
Why does my wife or girlfriend need space?
You’re in a couple, or married.
And your partner tells you that she needs time, or space.
Three possible explanations:
? You’re smothering her
You’re perhaps too much on her back.
Systematically criticizing her, spying on her every move, or sticking to her all the time.
To the point where she feels oppressed.
She’s suffocating, she needs air and therefore asks you to give her some space.
This is the least problematic scenario, as this problem is easily solvable.
? She met another guy
A more problematic scenario.
Another man appeared in her life, so she’s lost.
She’s fallen in love with this man, but is still attached to you.
She doesn’t know what to do and wants to take a break to take stock of the situation.
If your girlfriend or wife suddenly tells you she needs time to think even though you’re already giving her time, beware.
See also: How To Know If A Girl Doesn’t Like You
? She’s not in love with you anymore (or not as much as she used to).
This often goes hand in hand with the previous scenario.
Your girlfriend or wife may have lost her desire for you over time.
Up until recently it didn’t stop her from staying with you, but another man may have recently appear in her life, making her realize that she doesn’t love you as much as she used to.
The sparkle is gone and she wonders why she stays with you.
She still feels some attachment to you, but it’s not like before.
Related: 42 Signs A Woman Likes You
Why does my ex need time?
The explanations are basically the same as for the previous case.
The difference is that here, you’ve already broken up. You’r already separated.
In this case, there’s a positive side to the need for time required by this woman.
Sure, you’re separated, but when an ex tells you that she needs time, it often means that she’s not sure that she made the right choice by breaking up with you (if she’s the one who made the decision to break up), as opposed to an ex who is adamant.
It is thus a hesitation which plays in your favor.
Here, her need for time reflects a possible desire to get back together with you.
Whereas a woman who needs time in a relationship expresses a desire to get away from you.
An ex who says she needs time is an ex who feels lost, who still thinks about you.
See also: Signs You Will Never Get Back Together
When a woman says she needs time: beware of the trap
Now that we’ve gone over the possible causes of a woman needing time or space, let’s see the trap not to fall into in this situation.
The natural mistake men tend to make when a woman asks them to give her time is to take her request at face value.
Except for the specific case where you’re smothering her with your presence (in which case all you have to do is actually give her space by being less present), a woman who asks you to give her time doesn’t really need time.
What she needs is something else:
It’s conviction, or guidance.
What she wants is not time, it’s certainty.
It’s to stop oscillating between two opposite desires (the desire to leave you VS the desire to stay with you).
It’s getting out of this painful state of cognitive dissonance.
She wants to make a decision that will get her out of this uncomfortable emotional state.
And as you’ve figured out, that decision will either be in your favor…or against you.
If you want that decision to be in your favor, you’re going to have to do what it takes to make her feel better about staying with you (rather than walking away from you).
You must do that by becoming an object of desire in her eyes once again.
Because only a renewed desire for you will lead her to convince herself that she must stay with you.
In fact, she won’t even have to convince herself: she’ll be so attracted to you again that she’ll forget about your possible rivals and her doubts about the future of your relationship.
You’ll fix the situation not by giving her time, but by renewing her interest in you.
This can be done very quickly.
The trap, when a woman asks you to give her time?
It’s precisely to obey her.
By giving her time without trying to understand what she really needs.
What happens then?
You put yourself in a waiting position.
You become passive.
You cease to be the one in charge and you become a follower.
Which makes you immediately lose value in her eyes.
Because it makes you look like her nice little doggie, waiting for her mistress’s permission to take any action with her.
To the point where you destroy the remaining attraction she might feel for you.
That’s the best way to make her look down on you, instead of making her attracted and in love with you, as you wished in the first place.
What’s more, by waiting passively you risk having this woman stolen from you by another guy, who’ll have pushed the right buttons and taken advantage of her lack of desire for you to conquer her without much resistance.
Again, it’s not really time that this woman needs.
What she needs is a spark of love.
It’s attraction, excitement.
What you need to give her is a spark of love.
You need to make her feel attracted to you. You need to make her feel some excitement that will make her come back into your arms (and into your bed).
And this?
You do it by making her feel your masculinity.
She needs to feel the man inside you.
Related: How To Get My Wife Back
Because to win her back, you need to talk to her animal brain.
This spark, you create it by awakening her sexual impulses.
For this girl to feel attracted to you in an uncontrollable way, she must feel like a female again in your presence.
How do you do that?
First by being in charge, like a real alpha male.
You have to be the one who sets the pace.
You have to be the leader in your relationship.
Which is the opposite of the follower role you would take on by just waiting.
If you want to win her heart (and her a**), you have to become the man she was attracted to in the first place.
That masculine man, who takes charge, and doesn’t let her lead him around.
That’s how you’ll convince her to stay (or get in a relationship) with you.
How do you give her time?
Well…
As we’ve seen, you shouldn’t fall into the trap of taking this woman’s request at face value.
You shouldn’t give her time for the sole purpose of giving her time.
If you choose to give her time, it must be for one purpose only: to increase her desire for you.
And to do this, you will…
Give her time…but on your own terms.
Not because she asked you to (even though she did).
But because YOU decided to.
Again, you have to set the pace.
She should not think that you are distancing yourself because she asked you to. In a desperate attempt to get her to accept you.
Instead, she should think you’re distancing yourself on your own initiative. Because maybe you need time too.
This way?
You’re already turning the tables.
And that alone can be enough to intrigue her and renew her interest in you.
You will distance yourself in order to:
- give her space (this is especially worthwhile if you’ve been smothering her, so that she stops feeling the need to get away from you)
- give her time to think about you (and thus to invest emotions in you, which will nurture her feeling of love for you)
- allow her to miss you (and therefore that she’s more attached to you than she thought)
- make her question herself (about your feelings for her, about what you do when you’re not with her, about your possible desires or romances for other women…)
- trigger her imagination (about the future of your relationship, about your possible infidelities, about the next time you’ll have sex together…)
…by becoming once again an object of desire in her eyes.
As you’ve understood, you must use the space you’re going to give her (and yourself) to completely reverse the roles. So that she is now obsessed with winning you back, rather than the other way around.
To this end, just a nonchalant distancing can be enough: to show your indifference, as if you were no longer interested in her.
But to completely turn things around, you can go even further. For instance:
- Create a sense of mystery: don’t tell her everything, remain evasive, deliberately leave grey areas open to interpretation (this is precisely what will trigger her imagination and make her ask herself a whole bunch of questions about you, and therefore invest emotions in you).
- Trigger competition anxiety: make her feel that she might not be the only woman in your life, or at least that you have options and that you can go elsewhere if you want (women are biologically hardwired to be attracted to men they know are desired by other women).
- Grow your sex appeal: workout, dress better, look after yourself a little more than usual (not only will this make you more attractive, but it may also lead your girl to think that you’re doing all this for another woman, and thus make her feel that there’s competition for you, which will immediately increase your value in her eyes).
- Watch your attitude: always make sure you have a solid, masculine attitude (such an attitude is key if you want to attract a woman sexually, and you largely convey it through your non-verbal communication: posture, gestures, facial expression, tone of voice…).
The goal: make her attracted to you again, while making her experience some fear of losing you…so that she becomes obsessed with the idea of winning you back.
See also: What To Do When A Girl Ignores You
How much time does she really need?
As we’ve seen, it’s not really time that this woman needs.
What she needs, above all, is emotion.
It’s a renewed desire.
So the question to ask yourself is this one:
How much time is needed to rekindle her desire?
There is no single answer to this question.
It all depends on the girl, on her interest in you, on whether another man has appeared in her life, on the possible mistakes you made with her before…
It can be anything from a few hours (or even minutes) to a few weeks.
In any case, remember that women’s emotions are always changing and can vary very quickly.
If you push the right emotional buttons, everything can change pretty fast.
How not to ruin everything when you finally feel she’s ready?
There’s a big trap you mut avoid when you feel that your girl has had the time she needed.
The mistake to avoid when you feel she’s ready is to ask her if you’ve given her enough time (or space).
When you feel she’s attracted to you again, don’t ask her if you’ve given her enough time or space.
You’ll come across as needy, and will cause her desire for you to decrease again.
Don’t fall into the trap of seeking her validation or approval.
Again, you must be the one who sets the pace.
So don’t ask, just take action.
By getting physical with her.
That is, kissing her, making love to her, and so on. As if everything was back to normal and she was just waiting for that (which will often be the case if you do what’s needed to (re)create attraction).
You’ll thus demonstrate some assertiveness that will finish convincing her (if she’s not already convinced).
[MUST-READ] Be DOMINANT with Women: Know How to MASTER Them (In Everyday Life) to Make Them Fantasize About You
If you enjoyed this article (and even if you didn’t), you’ll love this other extensive post I recently published:
There’s something you need to understand:
Women want to be submissive.
They fantasize about sexual submission.
And when they meet a dominant man who has the potential to satisfy their submission fantasies, it makes them desire him intensely.
Sounds shocking or surprising to you?
Keep reading…
Today, you’re going to learn how to master women in a way that will turn them on.
You’re going to learn how to dominate women to make them wet with desire.
And NOT just in bed:
You’re going to implement this in other contexts and environments, be it after an approach, on a date, at a party, and more.
You’re going to implement this in your everyday life with the women you like so that they see you as a powerful dominant male who is able to satisfy their desires and take them to seventh heaven.
These actions you’re going to implement daily with the girls you want will lead them to see you as THE man to date.
You’ll stand out.
Women will see you as a potential lover and as a good lay (and that’s a bit of an understatement).
However, there are things you need to understand first.
You’ve got to be ready to try certain things that are a bit bold (more or less depending on the girl and the situation).
It's all there:
Stay solid,
Jack
